Taking Inventory: Reflections On My Doctoral Journey

by Jeriah D. Shank

After 20 years of theological training, my formal education has come to a close. At Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, I earned my PhD in Theological Studies with an emphasis in Systematic Theology and a ThM in Pedagogy. At Baptist Bible Seminary/Clarks Summit University, I earned an M.A. in Biblical Apologetics. At Faith Baptist Bible College and Theological Seminary, I earned an M.Div. in Greek Grammar, an M.A. in Theological Studies with a concentration in Systematic Theology, and a B.S. in Bible and Pastoral Studies with a concentration in Biblical Counseling. Finally, at Biola University, I earned a certificate in Christian Apologetics. During my years of study, I served in a variety of ministries, including serving as a Youth Pastor in Colfax, Iowa from 2006-2008, as an Interim Pastor in Garwin, Iowa in 2009, as the Senior Pastor in Monroe, Iowa from 2010-2018, and now as the Senior Pastor in Slater, Iowa since 2018.

When I began my doctoral studies program at MBTS, during our first week of class on campus, we were gifted a doctoral studies mug. I purposed in my heart that day that I would not drink from it until I had completed my study, written my dissertation, and graduated. Today, I enjoyed my first cup of coffee (black coffee with a shot of hazelnut) from it! As I sat in the dark and quiet of my office enjoying my drink, looking at my diploma, praying, and thinking, I began to take an inventory of my last 5.5 years of doctoral studies. Here are my thoughts. They are honest, real, and personal, but they are important for me to write out, and I hope they can help others who may be considering doctoral studies.

I. What Were The Best Parts Of My Doctoral Studies?

1. Gaining Confidence In My Thinking And Writing: This endeavor pushed me to grow in my abilities to process information and sharpen my thinking, and to communicate my thoughts in writing. I did some writing before I started my doctoral studies, but this program took my abilities to a much higher and professional level.

2. The Things I Have Learned: It has often been said, “You don’t know what you don’t know.” This adage has certainly proven to be true in my life. This program plunged me far deeper in the doctrine of God than I had ever gone.

3. The Friendships I Have Made: I will be eternally grateful for the friends I met while in my seminars. We enjoyed book and topic discussions, eating meals together, and sharing experiences and even burdens. I hope to stay in touch with many of them!

II. What Were The Worst Parts Of My Doctoral Studies?

1. The Return Of Past Struggles In My Walk With Christ: When we are stressed, what is inside comes out. While the Lord grew me through this process, I was very discouraged to see what came out of my heart many times when deadlines approached, things went wrong, or I felt scared. In the face of this level of fear, failure, and frustration, old sinful habits and thoughts, ones I thought were long gone, reared their ugly heads again and forced me to confront idols that I thought had been vanquished. I am incredibly thankful for a God who showers grace upon us in Christ and exposes sin to heal us and not to harm us. I am also so very thankful for my wife and children, who showed grace, patience, and understanding.

2. The Sacrifices In Time, Money, And Energy: The financial cost of my PhD program was very high, but even this did not compare to the cost of lost time, experiences, and energy with family, friends, and church members. While there were very few things I missed compared to what I thought I would miss (even my wife expressed to me that I was far more physically present than either of us thought I would be), I was often mentally absent or distracted even when bodily present and the few physical absences from my children’s events, family functions, weddings of friends, and fellowship time with church members were a constant struggle and produced anxiety attacks and even some strained relationships.

3. The Administrative Hoops I Had To Jump Through: The many busywork assignments, unclear (whether because of errors on my part or theirs) or even, in my view, at times unhelpful MBTS policies, hidden expenses, and technology not working properly were the worst parts of the entire program. While the program as a whole was very well done, and while I greatly enjoyed the research and writing of my papers and dissertation, there are just some aspects of formal education involving human error that cannot be eliminated and are inevitable, and there are just some parts that one has to put up with. These struggles and others created distractions, burdens, and frustrations that often depleted my passion, energy, and patience.

III. What Were My Favorite Classes?

1. Advanced Systematic Theology: This seminar, led by Matthew Barrett, introduced me to the depths of the doctrine of the Trinity and awakened in me a passion to study God in all His trinitarian wonder! We did a deep dive into the early and medieval church to understand the theological and historical complexities of trinitarianism and applied these historical understandings to evaluate modern social models. This class was truly life-changing!

2. Philosophical Theology: This class, also led by Matthew Barrett, focused my attention on the doctrine of divine simplicity and helped me to understand its larger implications. It was during this class that I began to think through what would become my dissertation topic.

3. Advanced Hermeneutics: I greatly enjoyed this class as it enabled me to understand more fully the way in which hermeneutics impact contemporary theological discussions. I was able to examine my own hermeneutics more carefully and to see the hermeneutic presuppositions of those I disagree with more clearly.

IV. What Were My Least Favorite Classes?

1. German: As part of a PhD, one has to learn a research language. This requirement in theological studies is in addition to Hebrew and Greek. I took a four-month crash course on German that, while it was put together well, was nevertheless very difficult when we were attempting to learn the basics of a language in such a short time. Further, unlike my other classes that focused on books and writing papers, this class, understandably, focused on testing, something I do not enjoy in the least! I have not retained much of what I learned in this class, though I did well in it. However, I look forward to reviewing it in the years to come.

2. Old Testament Theology: My areas of interest and experience do not revolve around Old Testament theology in general, so it was a stretch for me to do work in Hebrew (I hadn’t worked in Hebrew for over nine years since my M.Div.). Further, the work for this class was not styled like the rest of the classes, and I typically enjoyed the normal formatting and homework assignments. All that being said, this class and the two professors were a blessing to me, but I list it as one of my least favorites because it was the most difficult and different for me.

V. What Were My Favorite Things About Studying In Kansas City, MO At Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary?

1. The Food: I loved BBQ before I studied at MBTS, but I discovered that I had been playing in puddles while missing the ocean! In particular, eating at Joe’s KC BBQ, Que 39, Hawg Jaw, and Jack Stack has forever ruined Iowa BBQ for me! I also enjoyed eating at the Wings Café and Chicken and Pickle!

2. The Location: The MBTS campus is three hours from my house and is a straight shot down I35. The drive was almost always relaxing and easy, especially on the way home!

3. The Campus: MBTS has a beautiful campus and is led by even more beautiful people who love the Lord and care deeply about their students. Further, the doctoral studies staff were beyond amazing at helping students with whatever they needed.

VI. What Was I Most Shocked To Experience As I Studied?

1. I Was Shocked At How Quickly The Feeling Of Accomplishment Vanishes: Anyone who claims that the privilege of being called “Dr.” doesn’t factor in at all to their desire to pursue a PhD is a liar. In fact, this hope of future vindication and validation drove me many nights when, at 3 in the morning, I wanted to throw in the towel. Of course, other students who had already finished warned me that the feeling of worth and accomplishment would not last, and I believed them, but I thought it would at least last for a while! I did not anticipate driving home after successfully defending my dissertation, sitting on my couch, and thinking: “Wow, this is it? This is the feeling of accomplishment that I gave up so much for? What a letdown!” Now, I am very thankful I did it. I believe the Lord will use it for His glory and for the good of His people. But the words of Paul in Philippians 3:7 have become very real to me after the last few months when, after detailing everything about him that the world thought made him a somebody, he stated, “But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ.” (NASB) It really is all about Jesus. We can rejoice in our accomplishments and the accomplishments of others, and we can honor those who have put much work into their achievements. It is good and proper to feel good and to make others feel good. But we dare not make our accomplishments an identity or source of joy and meaning. They cannot bear that burden in our lives.

2. I Was Shocked At How Supportive My Local Church Was To Me Throughout This Process: I knew they would be supportive, but I was absolutely shocked at how supportive they were. They prayed for me, listened to me discuss my dissertation, gave me gifts, and allowed me to take extended absences from preaching and counseling to write. I could not have accomplished this without them!

3. I Was Shocked At How Critical Others Would Be: While many were supportive, many were not. Many criticized my decision to pursue this education at all, telling me that education is not important, that I am being a poor husband, father, pastor, or friend by spending so much time on this (ignoring the fact that my wife and children supported me in this!), and even, when at my lowest times, telling me to aim lower, not to try so hard, or to just give up. Perhaps they felt they were being supportive by telling me to escape the pressure. But I thank the Lord for the ones who empathetically experienced the pressure with me and encouraged me to press on!

4. I Was Shocked To Find That, As Much As I Want To Teach, I Love Pastoring Even More: To be fully honest, at the beginning of this journey, coming out of a rough season of ministry, I was ready to find any teaching job that would get me out of pastoral ministry and into the classroom where I wouldn’t have to deal with the drama of local church ministry. But during this time, while my love for teaching did not diminish, my love for pastoring was restored by the wonderful people the Lord has called me to pastor and by the constant focus on doing theology for the church at MBTS. I found that I once again loved the life of the local church. I once again loved preaching, counseling, leading, and serving. While I desperately desire to teach someday in a formal setting, I can’t imagine stepping away from pastoral ministry, and this program helped me sort through that in my heart and mind.

VII. What Unexpected Trials Did I Encounter During My Studies?

1. Injury: While studying, I was also training for my first powerlifting competition. My numbers were finally getting high enough to consider signing up (Bench 315, Squat 495, Deadlift 520, Overhead Press 225, One Arm Row 230) when, in February or 2020, I herniated my L4 and L5 vertebrae, ending any hope of lifting such heavy weight again.

2. COVID-19: In 2020, Covid-19 hit the world, and everything shut down. Canceled on-campus classes, required mask-wearing, and social distancing were, for a while, the new norms.

3. A Derecho: In August of 2020 (do we see a pattern yet?), a derecho hit my area and not only destroyed property, but took out power for a week and a half! I had just started writing a paper for Advanced Systematic Theology, which was due in three weeks, and I had to study by flashlight at night and then cram my writing into a week.

4. The Death Of My Wife’s Mother, Grandmother, And Uncle: In January of 2022, my mother-in-law died and went to be with the Lord. Several months later, my wife’s grandmother and uncle died as well. These deaths hit our family hard and, understandably, made it very difficult to care about my studies. But the Lord was gracious and got us all through.

VIII. What Am I Most Looking Forward To In The Next Chapter Of My Life?

1. Investing In My Family, Friendships, And Church: I am greatly looking forward to experiencing my family, friends, and church family without the pressure or identity of school. I am looking forward to experiencing these relationships fully and intentionally.

2. Writing, Speaking, And Teaching: While I am done with my formal education, this was always a means to an end. As others have said, the dissertation is not the finish line; it is really the starting line! I look forward to using my education to write, speak, and teach on systematic theology, apologetics, philosophy, and ministry. I am excited to be able to work on these things at my own pace and without grades or points. Further, while I am not interested in full-time teaching at this point in my life, I hope to do some adjunct teaching here in the States and on the mission field.

3. Sleep!: Apparently, most people get more than 3-4 hours of sleep each night. I am looking forward to seeing what that is like!

IX. What Advice Do I Have For Future PhD Students?

1. Know Your Why: Before you start PhD studies, you need to be rock solid on why you are doing it. This is especially the case for those seeking PhDs in theology or biblical studies. While rewarding, the benefits of PhD degrees can be small and the costs are extremely high. If you are doing it because you think you will get a full-time teaching position on the other side with benefits that can support a family, think again. The jobs just aren’t there. Schools are moving to adjunct faculty at high rates, and nepotism and favoritism in academia are extremely common. It really is who you know and how well they like you. If you are doing it for the sole reason of earning the title “Dr.,” you need to check your heart. There is nothing wrong with wanting the title, but if that is your only reason, that is just a sad waste of money, time, relationships, and life, and it says far more about your ego than your calling. If you think you need a PhD to become an expert in a field of study, there is nothing wrong with just reading as much as you can get your hands on, or as much as you can download! You don’t need a PhD to do research. That being said, a PhD can challenge you, give you adjunct teaching credentials and opportunities, and give you more opportunities for writing. So if you have the money, time, and drive, or if you already have a teaching position, it may be right for you.

2. Be Clear With Your Family: If you and your family decide that a PhD is something God is calling you to pursue, be very clear on what that will mean. It will mean long nights, early mornings, missed family and friends events, stress, highs and lows, and an uncertain future for what God will do with your degree. It may even mean, if the one pursuing the degree is the primary income source, that the other spouse will have to work outside the home in some capacity. Be clear on expectations, do not guilt, bully, or beg your spouse to get on board, and be gracious and flexible throughout.

3. Choose Your School Wisely: The reality is that American evangelical seminaries, while very worthwhile for growing in knowledge, are the bottom rung of the academic ladder. Very few secular schools will ever hire someone with a PhD from an evangelical seminary and even many seminaries will prioritize university doctorates over seminary ones because these look better for accreditation. If you want to increase your chances of being hired, consider a European school or an American University. This is not to say that evangelical schools have no value. I greatly appreciate my education at MBTS. But I need to be honest that most of the very few openings for full-time faculty members will not prioritize them. If you do choose an evangelical seminary, which is a viable option depending on your goals, choose one that has an impeccable reputation, that has a time-tested program, and that will stand where you stand on your central beliefs. You probably won’t get that at a secular university, but, if you choose to study at an evangelical institution, you do not want to be fighting an uphill battle the entire time with faculty members who reject your basic religious presuppositions. Instead, you want people who will be on your side and help you succeed.

4. Do Your Homework Beforehand: Know clearly what your program of study should be, what you potentially would like to write your dissertation on, and communicate early and wisely with your potential dissertation chair. Reach out to them but also respect their boundaries and busy schedules. Remember, when a dissertation chair commits themselves to working with you, their reputations are on the line with yours. They need to know that you are a solid thinker, that you are a hard worker and self-motivator, and that you are not some crazy person who will be a drain on their other projects.

5. Enlist Supporters: The PhD is not a solo project. You need to enlist people who will pray for you, encourage you, give you honest but helpful feedback, and who will tell you when you are turning into a jerk!